这个研究中心 自从成立以来两年半的时间里 ,所有人都被笼罩在白板神tm难擦的阴影当中,极度影响搞研究的心情,成为了一大学术障碍,用完白板后每次都要配各种烈性溶液一阵狂擦(经常写白板的同志们懂这种感觉!)直到有一天终于有人发现… 白板的保护膜没撕 这个重大发现马上在研究中心传开,所有人很快都兴奋地聚集在白板前——怒撕保护膜ing 目击了全程的某访问学者称: this has removed a major research barrier, the time until practical quantum computing may have just been halved. 还看见另外一个笑话: 我爸的领导,也就是我中学的校长,住在我们家附近。60多岁快70,在学校不苟言笑,反正我挺怕他,我爸也挺怕他的,不敢跟他多说话。但校长非常有爱心,没有孙子,养一条京巴,老见他遛,感情特别好。 那只狗也养了十几二十年,估计跟我年龄差不多。它眼睛白内障差不多瞎了,脚跛的,走路很慢很慢很慢,人走几步就得停下来等他。 有天晚上吃完饭,我和爸妈下楼遛弯儿,遇见了校长在遛狗。狗没走几步就停下来喘气,力不从心很痛苦的样子。 家父见状,连忙十分关切地走向前对领导问道: “王校长,你这条老狗怎么还出来乱跑啊?” 就在这个时候,那个炎热的夏季晚上,忽然吹来一丝凉风。
先是有一个笑话: 美国波音公司建造的飞机都经过许多特别的安全测试才交给用户,传说会用飞机飞行速度的死鸡撞击挡风玻璃,以确保飞机在真正飞行时挡风玻璃不会被动鸟撞坏。 一客户买了一架飞机后自己也造了一鸡枪做相似测试, 结果那只鸡不但撞碎了挡风玻璃, 还穿过了驾驶座椅和驾驶室的后壁,这个客户十分震惊并将结果转告了波音公司。 波音公司认真审查了这一测试后提出一建议: "用一 只 解冻的鸡。" 早上听到的广播: Rolls Royce为了测试 发动机被体温很低的飞鸟撞上时的场景,专门用了冻鸡作试验。 链接在此 I know that Rolls Royce with whom we’ve done some work to do with their jet engines and how they work. They do experiments where they use chickens which they fire into engines to test bird strike. And so, they do use sometimes frozen chickens because occasionally, if you get a bird that's been very, very cold and it suddenly gets sucked up into an engine then it’s a really good model of what will happen if an engine ingests a bird.
1、IT公司生产避孕套 有一天软件工业一蹶不振,软件业三大巨头sun,unix和微软都决定改做避孕套生意。他们生产的避孕套分别命名为java避孕套,x避孕套,和ms避孕套。 一个使用java避孕套的顾客来到sun公司投诉,说戴着不合适。sun公司回答说要等国际标准组织(iso)制定相应的标准才行,并吹牛说那时他们生产的避孕套将适合每个男人。 顾客只好转而使用 x 避孕套。可他发现等他读完随套附上的说明书后,他的妻子已经睡着了,他自己也忘了为什么要用 x 避孕套。最后,他只好换用 ms 避孕套。出乎他意料的是, ms 避孕套非常好用,他很愉快的连续使用了好几个月,突然发现他妻子怀孕了。他非常生气气势汹汹的找到微软公司。 微软的回答是:补丁马上就到。 2、 一位 IT美媚的悲惨遭遇 有一IT美媚在某 IT 企业工作! 有一天早上,天气特别好,我们的 IT 美媚正全神贯注的工作,裙子被抽屉夹住了都没有察觉。 当她站起身的时候裙子 “ 嘶啦 ” 一声被撕破了。同事们都闻声望来, IT 美媚连忙拿起身边一份 IT 杂志遮住下体。不料,同事们竟哄堂大笑,原来那份杂志的封面写着 “ 超大容量,可同时容纳数百位用户 ” , IT 美媚又拿起另一份杂志。同事们又再次笑她,这份杂志的封面是 “ 小心病毒 ” 。 IT 美媚快气昏了。当她拿起第三份杂志的时候就气昏过去了。 第三份杂志是一本硬件杂志,封面上写 “ 即插即用。
话说十多年前United Airlines被Southwest打得满地找牙,穷极思变,决定创立一个子品牌,也搞廉价航空那一套和西南竞争。 品牌公司花掉千万级别的绿纸头以后想出来个名字叫Ted, logo是这样滴: 品牌出街以后大众是这样解读这个品牌的含义的: Ted is United without U 'n I, Ted is the end of United.
A state trooper is on patrol looking to get some speeders. All of the sudden his radar gun lights up as someone flies by doing 95 mph. He chases after the car with the lights and siren blaring. No response. Finally he pulls up beside the car and sees a little old lady sewing a sweater while driving! He rolls down his passenger side window and yells PULL OVER. She yells back......NO, CARDIGAN!
California: The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out, bites the Governor and attacks his dog. 1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "Bambi" and then realizes he should stop; the coyote is only doing what is natural. 2. He calls animal control. Animal Control captures coyote and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it. 3. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases. 4. The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged. 5. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish and Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is free of dangerous animals. 6. The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a "coyote awareness" program for residents of the area. 7. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world. 8. The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack somehow and for letting the Governor attempt to intervene. 9. Additional cost to State of California: $75,000 to hire and train a new security agent with additional special training re: the nature of coyotes. 10. PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files suit against the State. Texas: The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A Coyote jumps out and attacks his dog. 1. The Governor shoots the coyote with his State-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a 45 ACP hollow point cartridge. 2. The Buzzards eat the dead coyote. And that's why California is broke! 笑话的背景故事:德州州长 Perry慢跑的时候带着他的Ruger LCP 380口袋枪,遇到一只郊狼要攻击他和他的狗,被他一枪放倒。 这事就这么简单的了结了。成本就是一发子弹而已。 于是有人拿这个事拿加州打趣,挖苦加州把程序搞得这么复杂,成本搞的这么高,于是最后政府破产了。
第六篇。 这个笑话其实用英文讲更有意思。我就中英文夹杂了。 笑话是行业里面有个大牛名字叫Jag讲的。Jag早就功成名就,文章过百,桃李天下,唯一操心的是自己的两个孩子。年纪一把,不好好读书,也不找正经工作,对父母也不太尊敬。 某个周日的上午Jag在自家的花园里喝咖啡看报纸,难得偷闲。突然老大和老二来了,Jag的脸马上跨下去了,你俩来干嘛?又来借钱啦。两个孩子也不多说,和老爹打打招呼,说记得看本地报纸第十二版啊,就走了。 Jag 半信半疑翻到十二版,分类广告和启事版。心一凉,该不是两小子把我的什么东西给偷偷卖了换钱吧。细细看来,Jag楞住了:原来今天是我的生日,两小子在报纸上登启事祝我生日快乐呢。Jag很感慨,儿子们终于长大了。再读一遍,祝语后面提及还要他看到启事后去车库看一看。 Jag起身来到车库,浑身的血就凝固了,心似乎也不跳了:车库外停着一辆崭新的捷豹S-type(Jaguar,简称Jag), 雨刷上有个小卡片,上面就一句话: Jag's Jag! 拥有一辆Jag一直是Jag的梦想,但是两个不省心的孩子让他实在没有心情去享受豪华座驾。现在两个小子突然就满足了自己的心愿, 老天,你对我太好了... 在我们这些听众的唏嘘中,Jag抖出来包袱。 It was a rental car! 这个笑话告诉我们,资本主义社会里,搞不定天长地久 也可以曾经拥有。